Reading time – 3 minutes
I came across this book titled Attached: Are you Anxious, Avoidant or Secure? How the science of adult attachment can help you find – and keep – love by Amir Levine and Rachel S. F. Heller within my amazon kindle suggestions and after reading a few brief reviews. I thought it’d be interesting to give the book a read. Before coming across this book, I had never even heard about attachment styles. As you know I love reading especially anything that can help me expand my perspective of life. To see my previous reviews, click here.
For those of you who may not be familiar with what an attachment style is, it’s the style you use when approaching, dealing with and managing relationships. There are three main styles which are Secure, Anxious and Avoidant. You’ve heard of Gary chapman’s Five love languages and Isabel Briggs Myers Sixteen personality types? Well learning and understanding your attachment type is also a great way in working towards discovering yourself. I can actually say this book has heavily changed me and my perspective moving forward.
The book explains how people with an anxious attachment style are very reactive and avoidant people are sometimes deactivate. Amongst the many traits each style has there are also attachment systems and deactivating strategies used by mainly anxious and avoidant people. Levine also gives an insight into the dynamics of dating anxious and avoidant people.
After doing some research and discovering my own attachment style which is (was) avoidant, I was bewildered (because it was actually true). It became very apparent to me that reading this book would me understand myself a little more. I was also able to spot the attachment style of some of my friends too. Honestly the research and in depth look at scenarios in this book are amazing. Just based off the phases and statements people make and knowing more about their backgrounds their attachment style becomes very telling.
Levine and Heller also refer to research studies of children, adults, parents and couples from a varied background.This book Is filled with many first hand experiences about relationships and dating. It will assist you in identify your attachment style, recognising your partner’s and friend’s styles, understanding the mind of an anxious, avoidant, secure person, distinguishing the relationship battles within each attachment style. The authors also explains how to deal with each attachment style for the for best outcome for each relationship.
I would recommend this book to everyone and anyone who enjoys reading and is interested in growing their personal development with a specific focus on those who want to strengthen their relationships. I learnt several lessons from reading this book such as what each attachment style holds. I.E secure people have very clear intentions.
The book helps to break things down further for us to see from another perspective why situations flow they do and how best to achieve a win- win outcome when dealing with a person of a different attachment style.
Overall I think the main takeaway from this book is that your attachment style can change with some work just like mine has. Additionally, an underlying message within the book is that we should not ignore our true emotions. It highlight’s that it’s not reasonable to give everyone the label of commitment phobe or emotionally unavailable without understanding why. The book shares some vital methods in breaking barriers which I think everyone can benefit from.
Do you know your attachment style?
Till Next Time x